When I meet with a client experiencing anxiety, one of the first things I focus on is helping them improve their relationship with anxiety. Many people respond to anxiety in ways that unintentionally worsen it—either by avoiding it altogether or trying to make it disappear as quickly as possible. These approaches often create a cycle that perpetuates the very feelings they’re trying to escape.

The key is understanding how anxiety is created and learning how to respond in a way that reduces its grip. The better you understand what’s happening in your mind and body, the more empowered you’ll feel to manage anxiety effectively.

Why Eliminating Anxiety Isn’t the Goal

One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is that the ultimate goal is to eliminate it entirely. But here’s the truth: it isn’t! The real goal is to tolerate and manage anxiety while continuing to live the life you want.

It’s important to recognize that anxiety isn’t inherently bad. It serves a purpose. Anxiety can:

• Motivate us to take action when necessary.

• Alert us when something isn’t right.

• Help us navigate challenging or unsafe situations.

The problem arises when anxiety becomes overwhelming—when it starts limiting your ability to do what you need or want to do, or when it steals joy from your daily life. That’s when it’s time to develop a healthier, more constructive relationship with it.

Understanding the Science Behind Anxiety

To effectively manage anxiety, it helps to understand how it’s created in the brain. A critical player in this process is the amygdala, a small almond-shaped structure responsible for detecting potential threats and triggering a protective response. Fun fact: we actually have two amygdalae, one on each side of the brain.

The amygdala’s primary job is to be vigilant, scanning for potential danger at all times. While this is a vital survival mechanism, it can sometimes overreact—triggering fear and anxiety even when there’s no real threat. This disconnect between the amygdala and our ability to reason can lead to an intense physical and emotional experience of fear.

The Two Pathways of Anxiety

Anxiety is created through two distinct pathways in the brain, both involving the amygdala:

1. Amygdala-Based Anxiety
   This type of anxiety comes on suddenly and is experienced primarily through physical symptoms, such as a racing heart, sweating, or trembling. Often, it feels like it hits out of nowhere, without a clear anxious thought or stressor triggering it.

   How to respond:

   • Use deep breathing exercises to calm the body.

   • Maintain a relaxed posture.

   • Engage in physical activities like walking or stretching. These strategies signal to your amygdala that everything is okay, helping to ease the physical symptoms.

2. Cortex-Based Anxiety
   This form of anxiety stems from thoughts—specifically worry, catastrophizing, and perfectionism. Here, the anxiety builds as we focus on worst-case scenarios or endlessly overanalyze a situation.

   How to respond:

   • Work on reframing negative thoughts into neutral or positive ones.

   • Practice mindfulness to observe thoughts without judgment.

   • Use techniques like cognitive restructuring to rewire your brain and create healthier thought patterns.

Shifting Your Relationship with Anxiety

Understanding these pathways can be a game-changer. Once you realize that fear doesn’t always equal danger, you can start responding to anxiety more calmly and neutrally. Instead of fighting it, you can acknowledge its presence, address it constructively, and then move forward.

Anxiety isn’t your enemy—it’s a messenger. By improving your relationship with it, you can regain control and live a life that aligns with your values, even when anxiety shows up. My hope is that this perspective gives you a sense of empowerment as you navigate your own journey with anxiety.

Remember, it’s not about eliminating anxiety—it’s about learning to manage it so it doesn’t manage you.